I’ll do it again, I guess.
That’s what I told myself after getting rejected for the third time this week.
It was a beautiful day in Manhattan and I was excited to finally meet my friend at the café where we were supposed to have our weekly lunch date. But when I got there, he wasn’t sitting on his usual bench waiting for me; instead, he had left me a note with his phone number telling me that he would call if he felt like meeting up later in the afternoon because something came up at work.
Not knowing what else to do, I called him back and told him not to worry about it since it seemed like things were busy today. He thanked me and said goodbye.
When I got back to my apartment, I knew that something was wrong.
I felt so disappointed and angry with myself for letting this happen again.
But then I realized–it’s not about me doing it right or having the perfect response every time; it’s just a small thing in the end. It doesn’t define who we are as people or make us any better than anyone else. The important part is still here: he called me when he said he would and talked to me like nothing was going on at work, even joking around with me after apologizing for not being able to meet up earlier today since things were busy yet again before ending our call by telling me how much fun we’ll have next week (my friend’s house, his birthday party).
I’ll do it again. I guess this is just the way things go for people who are busy and that’s okay.
After all, life goes on and he never said we couldn’t meet up after work because of his workload; then when he called back to apologize for not being able to take a break earlier today, he still could joke around with me about what happened before ending our call by telling me how much fun we’ll have next week at my friend’s house (his birthday party). It doesn’t matter if there was an argument or misunderstanding. We can talk about that as adults without either one throwing in endless expletives and lowering themselves into senseless arguments like kids would. After all, I’m the person who has to live with myself every day and I don’t want to spend my time being bitter because of what someone else said about me.
So, yeah, I’ll do it again. And that’s okay too in fact I love this process! What we’re going through might not be easy but it is worth doing all over again in order for us to remember how strong we are when we work together as a team: after all, life goes on and he never said things would always go smoothly without any bumps or bruises along the way…and that’s okay too if at least one thing will continue no matter how bad things get now (because there were some really great days before). Besides, our compromise is still better than the alternative.
Since I’m a dreamer and not much of an optimist, it’s been difficult for me to find my place in this world or at least have others discover what they want out of life with or without ME (especially after all these years). My reaction is always: “That can’t be right!” And yet…it will continue on long past my time here and that scares me a lot because things are getting worse and not just for us but also for future generations too! That means WE need to do something about it quickly so we don’t get left behind when everyone else has moved forward. But how? Well, first we’ll take care of ourselves by taking some time off from the rat race to get our crap together. Then, we’ll do something about what’s really important–ourselves!
So I’ve decided that it’s time for me to start doing things the way I want and not just waiting on others because they think they know better than ME how my life should be lived. But then again…it doesn’t mean that ill stop trying either (that would be crazy!). Besides, our compromise is still better than the alternative of living in fear all day long while some people try their best to make us feel powerless or worthless! We have a say in this world too so let’s use it wisely before someone else saddles us with more debt or another crappy choice if you catch my drift?
